Tuesday, 10 August 2010

Pickles just keeps on growing

Some bint has an intriguing article in today's Times called 'Growers & Shrinkers'. She analyses various Cabinet members and analyses whether they have grown in office. (I am trying very hard not to get all Carry On over that last sentence, but honestly matron. Members? Grown? Oooooohhhhhhh).

She reckons that Cameron has grown increasingly embarrassing, especially with regards to foreign policy, while Clegg has shrunk, cowering in the corner, having sold his party down a bloody big river. Osborne is a grower (bullshit feeds the thriving rose bush) and Cable has shrunk through sheer embarrassment.

But her article is beset by one problem - she doesn't agree with me and misses out my own favourites. Why no mention of Michael Gove? He has grown into the ultimate figure of satire. And most important of all, why no mentions of Eric Pickles and Theresa May, in my book the two most impressive Cabinet Ministers by far in the coalition government.

Eric Pickles has gripped his department in a way no other Cabinet Minister has (like a piping hot meat pie dripping with gravy), and achieved huge amounts in the first 100 days. And when I say achieved I mean devoured. No one has grown like Pickles and no one will continue to grow at the rate he troughs. Theresa May has also shown great initiative at the Home Office and her nose will surely start growing when her team has to further distort the truth about immigration and crime above current levels of credibility.

UPDATE You won't fucking believe this. By not reading the whole article before commenting on it I now realise that Gove and May are indeed mentioned. When will I learn? Pickles was also mentioned but had already eaten the paragraph by the time I saw it. Helpfully, he also ate the portion of humble pie I had been served and the words I should really be made to eat myself. Still, I will at least apologise this time!


  1. The lovely Humphrey Cushion gave your blog an #ff on Twitter and I can never resist her instructions and you can make that as oo 'er matron as you like:0)

    Great post, I do like your humble pie addendum as well. One thing I would add, it isn't just the members' growth, it is also the facial changes? Eric has grown smugger, Osborne has taken on a Victorian imperiousness and May is moving towards a hubble, bubble visage?

    Please make sure you let me know when you blog again, you are now on my favourites list on Twitter for the smiles you gave in this post......


  2. Why thank you Lesley - I really like your facial change comments. Clegg's face has changed shape immensely as he has desperately tried to save it, for instance. Gove's dropped quicker than a whore's lead filled knickers when he realised his BFS gaffe. In fact there could be a whole further research initiative on Coalition phizzogs alone.

    There'll be plenty more hypocritical, preening rubbish where this came from as well.

    And check out my back catalogue. So to speak.