Friday, 20 August 2010

Job advert: Personal assistant to Iain Fale

Iain Fale is a busy man. He is constantly milking his public profile, publishes Total Pollution magazine, writes a blog, churns out books on politics and shit and crops up in the media loads. And he needs a personal assistant to help knee-jerk him off!

This role would be ideal for a recent graduate who is deluded enough to think it is a proper job in politics or the media. You will serve as Iain’s eyes and ears and mouth and nose as well as his head, shoulders, knees and toes, providing Iain with relevant information in a wide range of areas (which he will ignore if it doesn't fit his agenda), acting as a gatekeeper (blocking people on Twitter, ignoring criticism), researching issues ahead of media appearances (apparently fact checking is important but Iain has never bothered before), drafting articles (ie. writing them for him), and from time to time, mind-reading (but Iain won't tell you when these times are)!

The successful candidate would act as Iain’s ambassador in his absence, representing Iain with confidence, courtesy (NOTE: check definition of this word) and accuracy (and this one).

The Responsibilities:

• Loads of shit boring admin stuff

Skills and Qualifications:

• Not a leftie


You must be exceptionally well presented (Top Shop do nice clothes), with a consistently professional demeanour. You must be assertive, and prepared to stand your ground when appropriate even if you have been proved to be be wrong. You will have a strong interest in British politics but an excellent knowledge of the subject is a no-no - Iain doesn't want anyone showing him up.

Apply to Iain Fale directly by emailing your CV, a covering letter and a 250-500 word critique of Iain’s political blog (one word summaries saying "shite" will be binned).

Closing Date: 1 September

Salary: You must be joking. You should be pleased and honoured to do this

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