1) I would hang people who are cruel to animals. No, honestly, I would.
2) I will attack the Guardian for having the nerve to rehash old news as a hot topic - and also sanctimoniously point out that the piece about IFS and the budget was angled to suit their leftie agenda (I would never ever manipulate facts to meet an agenda), because doing so suits my agenda. Then I will do exactly the same thing myself a few days later with a post about the Andrew Symeou case which has been in Private Eye and elsewhere for bloody ages but which I somehow missed despite being Westminster's early warning siren and generally first with the news. I will then react with a better late than never knee jerk and ignore any legal considerations surrounding the case and call on Theresa May to ring up the Greeks and sort it out pronto.
3) I have NOT met Cameron's baby. OK? It was nothing to do with me.
4) I wasn't very funny on Any Questions. Or intelligent. But I did stare at one of the questioners.
5) Other people are much better at attacking lefties than I am by using evidence and shit to make a case (however tribal) so I will outsource leftie bashing to them by linking to their blog rather than bothering to write anything myself.