Monday, 27 September 2010

Introducing my new assistant

A few weeks ago I advertised that I needed an executive assistant to help me in my work now that I have permanent slot on LBC (did I mention this before? Better than being an MP). (Even though I made this announcement of needing an assistant before I widely made the one about having a permanent slot. On LBC I mean. Cos I had to keep it secret. But what is a bit of factual continuity honesty between blogger and fuckwit followers, eh? Sacks of shit the lot of you).

I had a huge amount of applications. And a few people wanted the job as well. Most of whom were shite. But I am delighted to announce that Grunt Fucker is my new executive assistant (I won't overstate the importance of this role with initial capitalisation on the title) starting from today.

Poor old Grunt is a highly articulate and knowledgeable young man but I will soon thrash that out of him. He will be helping me out with all my day-to-day activities (cups of tea, knee-jerking off, clean underwear, knee-jerking-off). He is very dashing and looks like Scott Baio in Charles in Charge.

He will also be contributing other pieces to my blog. However, he will NOT be writing my blogposts - I will continue to be doing that in my own name (unless they are ones in which I get facts wrong and make an arse of myself in which case I will change the byline).

The intention is that by employing him I free up a little more time to write more here myself, as I am aware that in recent weeks I haven't been as prolific as normal. I know that more than half of you come back here more than three times a day as you can't think for yourselves without my half-arse researched nonsense guiding your immoral compasses and lack of independent thinking. He will also be moderating comments, so those I want to block will be blocked much more quickly to enable more debate on my terms to take place.

Anyway, I hope you will welcome Grunt to the team and if you would like to follow him on Twitter you can do so HERE. Bizarrely my own spoofer Iain Dale has already set up a spoof account for him HERE. Sad eh?

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