Sunday, 3 October 2010

Come on Yankees - show us your big sweaty bollocks

I feel very sorry for all those businesses who will be spending the next few days worrying about whether they will have any American tourists as customers buying their political magazines and memoirs after the US State Department issued a travel advisory today, warning Americans to steer clear of places which attract crowds if they are on a visit to Europe. There is no specific terror warning, more to do with the fact that large groups of Yanks annoy the fuck out of everyone.

The effect will be clear. Americans will cancel trips to Europe for fear of what might happen. We've seen it before. You might think they would be made of sterner stuff, and indeed, many are (so where am I going with this then? Surely not headlong into knee-jerk rubbish). Those who live in big cities may not be put off, but Mr & Mrs Average from Main Street, Iowa probably will be. Probably. I have no basis for saying this. Indeed one could even argue that these people would never have come in the first place. But I am caught up in a knee-jerk-off so logic goes out of the window when I can resort to classic stereotyping.

A few weeks ago, Patrick Mercer reckoned that there was a clear terror threat to this year's Tory Party Conference. And yet despite Nadine Dorries and Baroness Waris turning up and speaking some quite horrific and destructive nonsense I doubt whether a single Conservative Party representative decided to stay away. We're made of sterner stuff. Plus Eric Pickles threatened to eat us if we didn't.

So come on Mr & Mrs Average American. (I can't believe I am even writing this. Is anyone still taking me seriously? Check the comments later for the sad and truthful answer. My apologists scare me more than I do myself). Show some bottle (but less than 100ml of liquids in hand luggage please. We don't want anyone getting blown up on a plane just to buy some shite Ashcroft vanity tome exclusively from Bitepillow Publishing).

Don't give in to the terrorists, because every one of you who cancels your trip is doing a little bit of Osama bin Laden's work for him (cos he is the ONLY terrorist). Just as if we blithely accept some fuckwit blogger resorting to hoary old cliche about if we give into terrorists they have won, then knee-jerk bloggers pandering to hackneyed opinion will have won.

UPDATE: It is a good job I didn't also make some comment about UK travellers not being wusses and too scared to travel and then find out later our own foreign office has issued a similar warning, and our own press are getting hysterical as well, eh readers?

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