1: Ed Miliband is fed up of people spelling his name wrong and adding extra "l"s.
Only one blog needed today. Might as well get a decent attack on the new Labour leader into my blog by linking to someone who can do it with more intelligence than me. Yep, I am talking about Stephen Tallll.
Wednesday, 29 September 2010
Who leaked the Liam Fox letter and why didn't the bastard leak it to me?
The Telegraph has splashed with a leaked "For Your Eyes Only" letter from Liam Fox to David Cameron, containing some pretty candid private pictures. It is strongly worded and is proof, if it were needed, that pointless wars are expensive.
It is deeply worrying that this letter has been leaked. If such things are going to be leaked I want a piece of the action. A FYEO letter can only have been leaked by three different individuals (MoD civil servant, a Number Ten official, an MoD special advisor or Liam Fox himself - so that's four not three then) unless there has been some sort of electronic skulduggery (so make that five individuals - Andy Coulson as well).
Heaven forbid that the "leak" of a letter could have been instigated by Cameron as a way of raising a tricky and emotive issue to gain public support. I wouldn't suggest that, not when I can not suggest that Ben Brogan wouldn't suggest it either even when he does.
I doubt whether the leaker of the letter will ever be identified. They rarely are. Us bloggers and journalists protect our sources closely unless we want to drop them in the shit. But whoever it was should examine their motives for doing it. Because it may have far reaching consequences, way beyond those intended as I have discovered when I have used off the record sources and unchecked rumour and gossip to spread uninformed chaos throughout the blogosphere.
Can you see me up here on my high horse? Waving hypocritically, knee jerking so fast the horse doesn't know whether to break into a gallop or into a thousand equine shards?
It is deeply worrying that this letter has been leaked. If such things are going to be leaked I want a piece of the action. A FYEO letter can only have been leaked by three different individuals (MoD civil servant, a Number Ten official, an MoD special advisor or Liam Fox himself - so that's four not three then) unless there has been some sort of electronic skulduggery (so make that five individuals - Andy Coulson as well).
Heaven forbid that the "leak" of a letter could have been instigated by Cameron as a way of raising a tricky and emotive issue to gain public support. I wouldn't suggest that, not when I can not suggest that Ben Brogan wouldn't suggest it either even when he does.
I doubt whether the leaker of the letter will ever be identified. They rarely are. Us bloggers and journalists protect our sources closely unless we want to drop them in the shit. But whoever it was should examine their motives for doing it. Because it may have far reaching consequences, way beyond those intended as I have discovered when I have used off the record sources and unchecked rumour and gossip to spread uninformed chaos throughout the blogosphere.
Can you see me up here on my high horse? Waving hypocritically, knee jerking so fast the horse doesn't know whether to break into a gallop or into a thousand equine shards?
Tuesday, 28 September 2010
I need to cut Ed Miliband loose
Well what a piece of shite that was. Turgid, tedious and lacking pace. But enough about my blog writing.
Ed Miliband was ponderous today. I invented him but clearly forgot to add enough gears or volume. I don't know what the top line from this speech was. Because I wasn't listening. Instead I was concentrating on picking up as many negative points as I could.
If you want a critique that concentrates on the style over the substance of what people say then you are in the right place.
Ed Miliband was ponderous today. I invented him but clearly forgot to add enough gears or volume. I don't know what the top line from this speech was. Because I wasn't listening. Instead I was concentrating on picking up as many negative points as I could.
If you want a critique that concentrates on the style over the substance of what people say then you are in the right place.
Predictions
Following on from my amazing prediction of 2 years ago when I was the first person to tip Ed Miliband to be a more likely Labour leader than his brother a whole 2 years after others had said the same, I can reveal some other big calls I have got right.
In 1975 I stuck my neck out and said that Britain would win the Second World War. In June I correctly predicted a Conservative-Lib Dem coalition. In August I said that Spain would win the World Cup and next June I will be boldly going out on a limb and stating that West Ham will be relegated from the Premiership.
I must be bloody psychic.
I will also predict that any predictions I make that turn out wrong will be blamed on my new assistant Grunt Fucker.
In 1975 I stuck my neck out and said that Britain would win the Second World War. In June I correctly predicted a Conservative-Lib Dem coalition. In August I said that Spain would win the World Cup and next June I will be boldly going out on a limb and stating that West Ham will be relegated from the Premiership.
I must be bloody psychic.
I will also predict that any predictions I make that turn out wrong will be blamed on my new assistant Grunt Fucker.
Monday, 27 September 2010
Introducing my new assistant
A few weeks ago I advertised that I needed an executive assistant to help me in my work now that I have permanent slot on LBC (did I mention this before? Better than being an MP). (Even though I made this announcement of needing an assistant before I widely made the one about having a permanent slot. On LBC I mean. Cos I had to keep it secret. But what is a bit of factual continuity honesty between blogger and fuckwit followers, eh? Sacks of shit the lot of you).
I had a huge amount of applications. And a few people wanted the job as well. Most of whom were shite. But I am delighted to announce that Grunt Fucker is my new executive assistant (I won't overstate the importance of this role with initial capitalisation on the title) starting from today.
Poor old Grunt is a highly articulate and knowledgeable young man but I will soon thrash that out of him. He will be helping me out with all my day-to-day activities (cups of tea, knee-jerking off, clean underwear, knee-jerking-off). He is very dashing and looks like Scott Baio in Charles in Charge.
He will also be contributing other pieces to my blog. However, he will NOT be writing my blogposts - I will continue to be doing that in my own name (unless they are ones in which I get facts wrong and make an arse of myself in which case I will change the byline).
The intention is that by employing him I free up a little more time to write more here myself, as I am aware that in recent weeks I haven't been as prolific as normal. I know that more than half of you come back here more than three times a day as you can't think for yourselves without my half-arse researched nonsense guiding your immoral compasses and lack of independent thinking. He will also be moderating comments, so those I want to block will be blocked much more quickly to enable more debate on my terms to take place.
Anyway, I hope you will welcome Grunt to the team and if you would like to follow him on Twitter you can do so HERE. Bizarrely my own spoofer Iain Dale has already set up a spoof account for him HERE. Sad eh?
I had a huge amount of applications. And a few people wanted the job as well. Most of whom were shite. But I am delighted to announce that Grunt Fucker is my new executive assistant (I won't overstate the importance of this role with initial capitalisation on the title) starting from today.
Poor old Grunt is a highly articulate and knowledgeable young man but I will soon thrash that out of him. He will be helping me out with all my day-to-day activities (cups of tea, knee-jerking off, clean underwear, knee-jerking-off). He is very dashing and looks like Scott Baio in Charles in Charge.
He will also be contributing other pieces to my blog. However, he will NOT be writing my blogposts - I will continue to be doing that in my own name (unless they are ones in which I get facts wrong and make an arse of myself in which case I will change the byline).
The intention is that by employing him I free up a little more time to write more here myself, as I am aware that in recent weeks I haven't been as prolific as normal. I know that more than half of you come back here more than three times a day as you can't think for yourselves without my half-arse researched nonsense guiding your immoral compasses and lack of independent thinking. He will also be moderating comments, so those I want to block will be blocked much more quickly to enable more debate on my terms to take place.
Anyway, I hope you will welcome Grunt to the team and if you would like to follow him on Twitter you can do so HERE. Bizarrely my own spoofer Iain Dale has already set up a spoof account for him HERE. Sad eh?
Those political blogger achievements in full
An interesting call in on 5 Live just now. Here's how it finished...
CALLER: Name me one achievement of a political blogger inside politics other than rehashed stories, gossip, un-researched "facts", kneejerking and double standards...
CALLER 2: Er......
CALLER 1: OK then, name me one achievement of a political blogger when they were an MP...
CALLER 2: [long pause] Er, they never became an MP...
Says it all.
CALLER: Name me one achievement of a political blogger inside politics other than rehashed stories, gossip, un-researched "facts", kneejerking and double standards...
CALLER 2: Er......
CALLER 1: OK then, name me one achievement of a political blogger when they were an MP...
CALLER 2: [long pause] Er, they never became an MP...
Says it all.
Funny & Fale on Ed
Would anyone like to listen to 18 voicemail messages recorded this afternoon by the nice Andy Coulson between me and Funny Handle from Leftie Piracy on the Ed Miliband leadership issue?
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