Remember how I beat seven shades of shit (and believe me there are plenty more hues in there) out of Guido Fawkes for his gossip about Hague?
So what are we to make of the revelation that Guido Fawkes and his able seaman (tee hee, the gay pride movement must be so proud of me) employee Harry Cole have been sleeping in a barge?
Fuck all obviously. Because it doesn't matter. And even if it did it's completely different to the Hague situation, however I try and dress it up. Still no harm in using this an excuse to make some bad jokes.
Imagine it, a leading blogger banged to rights for rank hypocrisy. Who'd have thought it wouldn't be me.
UPDATE: I will now use an update posted onto the end of the original post to clarify any factual inaccuracies I may have presented even though people who have already read the post won't return and see it so it isn't the same as publishing an apology or proper correction really is it but that's the way I work.
Tuesday, 5 October 2010
Monday, 4 October 2010
A knee-jerk which even Labour can support
Am I going to jerk my knee about the child benefit cuts and second guess how Labour will respond without checking the facts properly?
And then rely on Dizzee Stinks to do the research, suggest the implementation of this proposal is idiotic, even if the principle isn't, but casually suggest it will sorted out without having a clue one way or another?
Am I?
Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees
PS Shall I mention pre-election pledges to not means test child benefit?
And then rely on Dizzee Stinks to do the research, suggest the implementation of this proposal is idiotic, even if the principle isn't, but casually suggest it will sorted out without having a clue one way or another?
Am I?
Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees
PS Shall I mention pre-election pledges to not means test child benefit?
Sunday, 3 October 2010
Come on Yankees - show us your big sweaty bollocks
I feel very sorry for all those businesses who will be spending the next few days worrying about whether they will have any American tourists as customers buying their political magazines and memoirs after the US State Department issued a travel advisory today, warning Americans to steer clear of places which attract crowds if they are on a visit to Europe. There is no specific terror warning, more to do with the fact that large groups of Yanks annoy the fuck out of everyone.
The effect will be clear. Americans will cancel trips to Europe for fear of what might happen. We've seen it before. You might think they would be made of sterner stuff, and indeed, many are (so where am I going with this then? Surely not headlong into knee-jerk rubbish). Those who live in big cities may not be put off, but Mr & Mrs Average from Main Street, Iowa probably will be. Probably. I have no basis for saying this. Indeed one could even argue that these people would never have come in the first place. But I am caught up in a knee-jerk-off so logic goes out of the window when I can resort to classic stereotyping.
A few weeks ago, Patrick Mercer reckoned that there was a clear terror threat to this year's Tory Party Conference. And yet despite Nadine Dorries and Baroness Waris turning up and speaking some quite horrific and destructive nonsense I doubt whether a single Conservative Party representative decided to stay away. We're made of sterner stuff. Plus Eric Pickles threatened to eat us if we didn't.
So come on Mr & Mrs Average American. (I can't believe I am even writing this. Is anyone still taking me seriously? Check the comments later for the sad and truthful answer. My apologists scare me more than I do myself). Show some bottle (but less than 100ml of liquids in hand luggage please. We don't want anyone getting blown up on a plane just to buy some shite Ashcroft vanity tome exclusively from Bitepillow Publishing).
Don't give in to the terrorists, because every one of you who cancels your trip is doing a little bit of Osama bin Laden's work for him (cos he is the ONLY terrorist). Just as if we blithely accept some fuckwit blogger resorting to hoary old cliche about if we give into terrorists they have won, then knee-jerk bloggers pandering to hackneyed opinion will have won.
UPDATE: It is a good job I didn't also make some comment about UK travellers not being wusses and too scared to travel and then find out later our own foreign office has issued a similar warning, and our own press are getting hysterical as well, eh readers?
The effect will be clear. Americans will cancel trips to Europe for fear of what might happen. We've seen it before. You might think they would be made of sterner stuff, and indeed, many are (so where am I going with this then? Surely not headlong into knee-jerk rubbish). Those who live in big cities may not be put off, but Mr & Mrs Average from Main Street, Iowa probably will be. Probably. I have no basis for saying this. Indeed one could even argue that these people would never have come in the first place. But I am caught up in a knee-jerk-off so logic goes out of the window when I can resort to classic stereotyping.
A few weeks ago, Patrick Mercer reckoned that there was a clear terror threat to this year's Tory Party Conference. And yet despite Nadine Dorries and Baroness Waris turning up and speaking some quite horrific and destructive nonsense I doubt whether a single Conservative Party representative decided to stay away. We're made of sterner stuff. Plus Eric Pickles threatened to eat us if we didn't.
So come on Mr & Mrs Average American. (I can't believe I am even writing this. Is anyone still taking me seriously? Check the comments later for the sad and truthful answer. My apologists scare me more than I do myself). Show some bottle (but less than 100ml of liquids in hand luggage please. We don't want anyone getting blown up on a plane just to buy some shite Ashcroft vanity tome exclusively from Bitepillow Publishing).
Don't give in to the terrorists, because every one of you who cancels your trip is doing a little bit of Osama bin Laden's work for him (cos he is the ONLY terrorist). Just as if we blithely accept some fuckwit blogger resorting to hoary old cliche about if we give into terrorists they have won, then knee-jerk bloggers pandering to hackneyed opinion will have won.
UPDATE: It is a good job I didn't also make some comment about UK travellers not being wusses and too scared to travel and then find out later our own foreign office has issued a similar warning, and our own press are getting hysterical as well, eh readers?
How to ruin the Conference atmosphere
I can guarantee that the question I will be asked most this week at the conference on the broadcast media is "Who are you? What are you doing here? Are you an MP? Do you have a radio show? You do? Well why don't you piss off and present it then?"
Other people will ask me "What do you think the atmosphere is like?" It's a question which invites the response: "It stinks. Here we are swanning around, pleased as punch that we are finally in (shared) power, and we have to listen to doom and gloom and pretend we care about cuts when all we want to do is paaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrty. By the way, do you want to come to my bash on Tuesday with a German comedian?"
In other words it's a facile question and any journalist or pundit or blogger asking it should spend a day in the Lazy School of Journalism, where they will see my picture on the wall as most decorated head boy.
If journalists and pundits and bloggers really want to gauge anything accurately, let me make a simple suggestion. Instead of spending all your time talking to other journalists and pundits and bloggers, do some proper fucking research. Check some facts. Don't just rehash the work of others or quote their nonsense or link to their posts.
Other people will ask me "What do you think the atmosphere is like?" It's a question which invites the response: "It stinks. Here we are swanning around, pleased as punch that we are finally in (shared) power, and we have to listen to doom and gloom and pretend we care about cuts when all we want to do is paaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrty. By the way, do you want to come to my bash on Tuesday with a German comedian?"
In other words it's a facile question and any journalist or pundit or blogger asking it should spend a day in the Lazy School of Journalism, where they will see my picture on the wall as most decorated head boy.
If journalists and pundits and bloggers really want to gauge anything accurately, let me make a simple suggestion. Instead of spending all your time talking to other journalists and pundits and bloggers, do some proper fucking research. Check some facts. Don't just rehash the work of others or quote their nonsense or link to their posts.
Friday, 1 October 2010
My Conservative Conference schedule - Including toilet breaks
I am going to be all over the Tory Party Conference like Eric Pickles at an all you can eat buffet. I am so looking forward to it and my only real problem is that I don't know how many pairs of pants I should pack. I am bound to ruin some what with all of the excitement and knee-jerking-off.
I thought it would be useful to publish a detailed itinerary of what I will be up to so you can avoid me. But it is probably easiest if you don't come at all rather than run the risk
I thought it would be useful to publish a detailed itinerary of what I will be up to so you can avoid me. But it is probably easiest if you don't come at all rather than run the risk
Tasteless quote of the day
By Grunt Fucker
I was going to post a funny one liner by Tony Curtis yesterday but then realised that it contained the words "Wouldn't be caught dead" so decided that might be deemed a bit tasteless on the day that he died.
I was going to post a funny one liner by Tony Curtis yesterday but then realised that it contained the words "Wouldn't be caught dead" so decided that might be deemed a bit tasteless on the day that he died.
On my LBC show tonight from 7...
7.10: How can we make our roads safer for cyclists? Perhaps obeying the speed limit would be a good start
8.00: Another topic chosen to provoke morally bankrupt knee-jerking from listeners in the interests of "good" radio debate
9.00: As above
8.00: Another topic chosen to provoke morally bankrupt knee-jerking from listeners in the interests of "good" radio debate
9.00: As above
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